The horror of 80's videogames...

by: Joe Yang

With scary games such as House of the Dead, Resident Evil 5 (or 6, or whatever number they're up to these days), you practically participate in a horror movie where you get to control the outcome of the story.

With sophisticated game platforms such as XBOX 360, Playstation 3, and the Wii, computer generated gore has never looked more realistic. With the help of a game console or PC, you can almost experience the life of a mass murderer without the inconvenience of getting shot by the police, going to court, or dealing with the media.

That's today.

But what about the videogames of yesterday? Sure, those cute graphics, beeps, and boops seemed so innocent and harmless. But were they? Let's examine a few favorites, and before long you'll discover a darker side lurking underneath all of them. You see, I believe the next videogame-to-horror movie shouldn't be made from the likes of modern favorites such as Resident Evil or Silent Hill. Try this:

PACMAN: An old favorite. A yellow circle goes around eating a bunch of dots while being chased by a group of multicolored ghosts.

Why it's terrifying: The enemies are ghosts. Ghosts can't be stopped, because you can't kill what's already dead. The best Pacman can do is slow them down temporarily after he's taken one of those power pills. The game just goes on, and on, and on. It gets harder and the pills become less effective as you progress. A never-ending quest, unstoppable enemies, and drug use...sounds like a pretty dark premise if you ask me.

Who would direct if it's made into a movie: George Romero or Stanley Kubrick (if he were still alive).

DIG DUG: Here, the main character's job is to eradicate a group of critters that are goofing about underground. Yes, they're a nuisance. And yes, some of them breathe fire and are dangerous.

Why it's terrifying: All the hero has to do is go down there with a gun, and the problem can be solved in a timely, humane manner. But no! Not only does Dig-Dug, or whatever the hell his name is, NOT use a gun.

He goes down there with an air pump, methodically tracks the creatures down one by one, and when he finds them, begins inflating them full of air. Then Dug watches as the animals literally explode! Somewhere, Charles Manson and Ted Bundy are slapping their foreheads for not thinking of that first.

Who should direct if it's made into a movie: Paul Verhoeven or maybe Wes Craven

MR. DOO'S CASTLE: Little girls love unicorns. And even as guys, we associated unicorns with things that were good because some princess with an impressive rack was always riding one. Mr Doo's Castle threw me for a loop when I saw it in the arcade for the first time, because on the side of the game machine, there were these pictures of cute little red unicorns running around.

Then I realized the unicorns were bad.

The story is simple: Mr. Doo is a guy running for his life from a horde of rampaging unicorns that are bent on impaling, goring, or otherwise trampling him to death for reasons unknown.

Why it's terrifying: Mr. Doo, who also doesn't own a gun, never thinks to leave his castle to call animal control or the police.

Instead, he dresses up like a clown and picks up a giant mallet. As he's being pursued, he knocks out sections of the castle floor (that are all conveniently shaped like blocks). Whenever a unicorn gets stuck in a gap where a block has been knocked out, Mr. Doo has to quickly get to the level above.

The strategy is to whack out the block hanging directly above the trapped unicorn. The falling block then falls on the offending unicorn, killing it on impact. You pass the level once you've helped Mr. Doo massacre all the animals.

Who should direct if it's made into a movie: Rob Zombie. And I think Jason Statham would make a good Mr. Doo.

There are many more games out there to comment on, but the point is clear. "Simple" 80's videogames leave plenty of room for more in-depth storytelling, and their violent premises should satisfy the sickest gorehound among us...

My kind of scary

When I tell people that I write horror, instead of doing some real job like working in a cubicle or doing stuff in a lab, they always give me this odd look. Then they probably start wondering if I have a secret room in my place where I carve up dinner guests and serve them to chipmunks and hungry college kids. I don't, in case you were wondering (there's no room for one of those in my apartment).

When we think of horror fiction (or horror writers), we generally think of blood and guts, socially inept geeks who collect porn and comic books, and stressed-out individuals who are one step away from taking a power saw to someone they don't like. The first two are seldom true of horror writers, while the third applies to more people in the general population than you might realize.

No, horror writers aren't much different from you or the crazy people we distance ourselves from. Maybe we just think about it more.

Blood and guts. No, that isn't what horror writers are obsessed with. At least I'm not. Speaking for myself (and this is may be true of most horror writers), I do have a tendency to think about scary stuff a lot. Not stuff like ghosts and axe murderers, but things that could go wrong at any moment. Things like job security, freak accidents, and what we'd do if the people you once trusted turned out to be hiding something really sinister.

Or what about stuff that you're supposed to believe is good? Like hybrid cars, for instance. Yeah, they get great mileage, but has anyone thought about what to do with the highly toxic (and environmentally unfriendly) battery that powers that thing when it comes time to junk the Prius for a new one? You can't just toss it in the garbage can and let the city handle it, you know.

Hey, I'm all about green energy. But let's think it through before we jump on every green bandwagon that comes along. Remember, zombies are green too. And maybe there's a good reason why...

Website is up

Well, after talking about it for so long, I finally got around to putting together a website for my writing. It can be found here.

Of course, more stuff will be added to it as time goes on. Indie writing is a lot of fun, but it's a heck of a lot of work. I wrote another 1500 or so words this morning (for my next novel), and tomorrow I'll be adding at least another 1000.

I'm still feeling my way through the whole self-publishing bit, and the marketing aspect of it seems so overwhelming. There's so much information out there, and so much to learn.

Now that I'm starting to immerse myself more and more into writing, it seems as if I've stumbled upon an exciting time. The nature of publishing, thanks to the rise of digital technology and the web, seems to be changing. Self-publishing is losing its stigma, as the business model of "conventional" publishing company proves to be less cost effective.

There goes a notion that self-publishing (where anyone can become a published author) will lead to a flood of poor-quality books. I strongly disagree. First of all, the discipline and drive to undertake a task as daunting as writing a book will weed out the lazy and unmotivated. And secondly, the free market will largely determine which books are "good" and which ones stink. Self-publishing, or indie writing, is gearing up to be a much more democratic way for new talent to get noticed.

But whether one chooses to be self-published or plans to go the conventional route of finding an agent, and enduring rejection letters, the passion for writing will always be at the core of any success. As a writer, do you love what you do?

Progress & other stuff

Since the end of January, I'm pleased to have hammered out several thousand more words, and feel that the new novel is going well. Novel writing is tough, but fun. I can't wait until this thing is done.

The website progress continues- I've started designing the multimedia page, and still have a bunch of decisions to make with that.

More to come...